Your mother says she’s managing fine. But on Sunday she’s wearing the same blouse as last week, the shower mat is bone dry and she’s stopped taking the stairs down to the laundry room. She hasn’t fallen, and you’d like to keep it that way.
A few hours of help each week can keep an older parent safe and comfortable in the house she knows. Choosing who provides that help goes more smoothly when you know what she needs and which questions to ask.
Write down the help she needs now
Before calling any agency, spend a week paying attention to which everyday tasks have become hard and at what time of day. The usual ones are:
- Bathing and personal hygiene.
- Getting dressed and grooming.
- Using the toilet, or managing incontinence.
- Walking, standing up, or moving between a bed, chair or wheelchair.
- Eating and drinking enough during the day.
Add the household tasks that are slipping, such as meals, laundry or the mail. For some people mornings are the hardest stretch, when getting up, washed and dressed takes the most energy, so note when help would matter most.
How personal care differs from medical care
Personal care is nonmedical, hands-on help with daily life. Milwaukee’s Support Plus Personal Care, which serves Milwaukee County and the rest of Southeast Wisconsin, lists help with bathing, dressing, toileting, mobility and meals among its personal care services, and says each client receives a customized care plan.
The National Institute on Aging describes this kind of support the same way. Its guide to long-term care notes that most home-based care services involve personal care, meaning help with everyday activities, also called activities of daily living, along with supervision to make sure a person is safe.
If your mother needs medical tasks, such as wound care or injections, ask her doctor about the right medical provider for those. Personal care sits alongside that medical care and covers the daily routines that keep her comfortable and independent at home.
Questions to ask every agency
Ask each agency the same questions and write down the answers:
- How are caregivers screened and trained? Do they pass background checks?
- How do you match a caregiver to my mother, and what happens if the match isn’t right?
- Will she see the same caregiver regularly? Who comes if that person is sick?
- How is the care plan created, and how often is it reviewed?
- How will you keep the family informed?
- What are the minimum visit lengths and scheduling options?
Ask, too, whether the agency offers an assessment before services start. A good assessment looks at the home, the daily routine and your parent’s preferences, and it shows you how the agency communicates. Support Plus Personal Care offers a free assessment, and its site notes that your caregiver goes through thorough training and background checks.
Let her set the terms where she can
Help with bathing or dressing is about as personal as help gets, and your mother may worry about privacy or losing her independence. Involve her from the first conversation and ask about her preferences: what time she likes to shower, whether she’d be more comfortable with a female caregiver, which routines she’d most like to keep.
Present the help as a way to keep doing what she cares about, like staying in her own home or getting to church on Sunday. Starting with a few visits a week and adding more as trust builds is often easier than starting with a full schedule.
Free, unbiased help from the state
Wisconsin’s Aging and Disability Resource Centers provide unbiased information related to aging and disability and serve residents regardless of income. Long-term care options counselors there can help families explore ways to meet long-term care needs at home or in a residential setting, and benefit specialists give confidential advice about programs such as Medicare, Medicaid and Social Security.
Questions about what her insurance or a public program may cover are a good fit for an ADRC benefit specialist. You can find your local ADRC through the state’s directory or by calling 844-WIS-ADRC.
Review the plan as her needs change
Your mother’s needs will change, sometimes gradually and sometimes after a hospital stay. Keep a shared family log of good days, harder days and anything new your caregiver mentions, and go over the care plan with the agency every few months, or sooner after any change in her health.