Caring for a parent with Alzheimer’s or dementia can be challenging, especially as their needs become more difficult to manage. As an adult child, you may find yourself balancing their care with your own family, work, and responsibilities. Knowing when your parent needs more support can be difficult, but recognizing the signs that it may be time for memory care can help you make the best decision for their safety and well-being.
Here are some common signs to watch for:
- Getting lost or trying to leave home and can’t explain where they’re going or why
- Falling more or can’t respond in an emergency
- Problems with personal care/hygiene
- Changes in mood and sleeping/eating habits
- You’re exhausted and can no longer provide the type of care needed
Recognizing Care Needs
Alzheimer’s and other forms of dementia affect more than just memory; as the disease progresses it can affect a person’s ability to do nearly everything, from getting dressed and remembering to take medications to eating and maintaining personal hygiene.
If your parent has Alzheimer’s or other form of dementia, you may have noticed some changes in his/her personality and behavior. Your once outgoing parent may now act suspicious, frustrated or even fearful in unfamiliar situations. Your parent may also:
- Have trouble understanding conversations
- Become confused, even in familiar environments
- Not realize s/he needs help
Timing the Transition
There’s no single incident or action that should prompt you to start looking for memory care. However, if you’re noticing a trend in your parent’s ability to safely perform tasks s/he used to be able to do on his/her own, it may be time to think about memory care. Signs that it might be time to look into memory care include:
- Frequently forgetting to take medications
- Missing meals
- Having frequent falls
Caring for a parent with Alzheimer’s or another form of dementia at home can be emotionally and physically exhausting, especially if you also have a job, family and other responsibilities. Memory care communities specialize in caring for people with Alzheimer’s and other dementias, providing your parent with compassionate care and attention in a safe, secure environment, allowing you some peace of mind knowing your parent is receiving consistent, quality care.
Life in Memory Care
In a memory care community, your parent will receive personalized help and attention in a safe, secure environment from caregivers specially trained to care for people with Alzheimer’s and other dementias.
Daily Living Support
As a person’s Alzheimer’s or dementia progresses, s/he will likely need help with everyday tasks, often called activities of daily living (en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Activities_of_daily_living).
- Bathing
- Getting dressed
- Eating
- Taking medications
- Getting around
Every Alzheimer’s/dementia care community should get to know your parent, learning his/her preferences and likes/dislikes, how best to communicate with him/her, what makes him/her comfortable and his/her daily habits and routines, and develop a care plan specific to your parent’s needs.
Structured Daily Schedules
Having a consistent, predictable schedule with regular mealtimes, rest times, toileting/personal care and activities can help people with Alzheimer’s/dementia feel more secure, give them a sense of purpose and help them participate in activities appropriate for their level of functioning. Activities may include:
- Music
- Creative pursuits
- Conversation
- Movement/exercise
- Sensory activities
- Household-type activities
Choosing a Community
No two people’s Alzheimer’s/dementia journey is exactly alike, and each person responds differently to his/her surroundings and care. It’s important to find a community that’s the right fit for your parent, where s/he will feel comfortable and receive the type of care he/she needs, and where you’ll feel confident in the level of care your parent is receiving. A specialized setting such as The Iris Memory Care may be worth considering as you weigh your parent’s needs.
During your tour of a community, look for:
- A secure but not institutional-feeling environment
- Evidence that residents are comfortable and engaged in activities
- Evidence that caregivers treat residents with patience and respect
It’s also a good idea to talk with community staff about:
- How they respond to a resident who’s having a bad day, exhibiting new/different behavior, refusing care or meals, trying to leave the community, etc.
- How families are kept in the loop
- How care plans are tailored to meet each resident’s individual needs and are updated as needs change
Family Involvement
Even after your parent has moved into a memory care community, your involvement in his/her care is still important. Community staff should welcome your participation, whether that’s helping to fill them in on your parent’s personality, likes/dislikes, daily habits and routines, staying involved in care planning, participating in activities with your parent, simply dropping by for visits, and keep you in the loop about your parent’s day-to-day life and well-being.
Starting the Conversation
Knowing it’s time to look for Alzheimer’s/dementia care for your parent can be stressful, for both of you. Your parent may be angry, scared, depressed or in denial. Talking with your parent about memory care for the first time is rarely easy, but here are a couple of tips to get you started:
- Bring up the topic when things aren’t stressful, not in the heat of the moment after an incident.
- Focus on your parent’s well-being, emphasizing ways that memory care could help your parent be safer, more comfortable and have more companionship and help each day, instead of dwelling on all the things your parent can no longer do, forgetting to lock the stove on, getting dressed inappropriately for the weather, etc. Chances are your parent doesn’t realize s/he’s having all these lapses, and confronting him/her won’t help either of you feel better.
When you start packing, ask what would be helpful for staff to learn about your parent so they can connect with them faster. A short bio with favorite foods, music, past routines, important relationships, and soothing methods could be helpful.
Photos, blankets or other personal belongings may help the new environment seem less foreign.
Prior to moving, consult with the community regarding what medical records, medication lists, legal documents, and apparel should be brought along. Ensure you have a clear understanding of the move-in process, costs, and who will communicate with your parent’s doctor. This will help alleviate some of the last minute rush.
Practical Next Steps
- Jot down some notes about changes you’ve seen in your parent, then make an appointment to discuss your concerns with his/her doctor.
- Make an appointment to talk with one of our care professionals. This 30-minute conversation is just that: a conversation. Our care professionals will listen to your concerns, answer your questions, provide Alzheimer’s/dementia resources and talk with you about communities that might be a good fit for your parent, with no pressure to tour a community or move forward with anything.
- Tour memory care communities with your care professional.
- Discuss your parent’s care options with your family and your parent’s doctor.